Friday, January 31, 2014

A Perspective..

Yesterday I was incredibly sad. I had to step away from everything for a while.  I spent the afternoon with my kids and then when the hubs came home from work we hung out. 

I've received many messages of encouragement.  And you know, there is always HOPE... EVEN if things don't work out as planned, HOPE is always there.  Thanks to my friend Heath Vercher for that inspiration.  

The beach inspires me too...

Then, today arrived and while this trial is hard, this too will pass. 

I am sure you are all dying to know what happened yesterday to put me in such a funk.. here it is:

I went up to Westwood in Los Angeles, and met with Dr. Gerald Berke. I went there to get a second opinion. Yes I do have Spasmodic Dysphonia.. and there are two options.. both I am not really keen about, but they are options nonetheless. Dr. Berke said I was a perfect candidate for the surgery.  However, he did not want to rush the surgery option until we tried the botox injection(s).  *sigh*  I asked him if the surgery would help with me being able to talk AND sing.  He said YES to the restoring of my voice to be able to talk like normal.  He said NO to the singing part. Which I did not want to hear.  

This is the trail I'm on.. my life filled with hope, in spite of the fog trials.

He also said the botox injection would allow me to talk like normal and sing normally. Its not a permanent solution.. but it is something. Its better than not having a voice at all. 

All of Dr. Berke's team were very encouraging, and explained to me what the Botox does. So.. I took a DEEP breath and Dr. Berke administered the injection.. and WOW OW OW OW ow OW!!! He had to inject both sides of my vocal chords.  He went in my neck with a syringe. He told me it would take a few days to kick in.  I drove home crying.  I have not cried since I was diagnosed.. and ALL the TRUTH that I learned yesterday just came crashing down upon me. 

Then today I awoke with a better perspective.  THANKS to ALL of you that have sent me messages of encouragement!!  Even tho this is not the way I wanted my life to be at this time, it is what it is.  I must adjust my thinking, and be grateful for many things I have. I am grateful for the month of APRIL

Imaginary Road - The Steinway B

So this is day 2.  I can feel a difference in my vocal chords. They don't feel tight.. and I can talk fairly well. There still is some dropping of syllables when I talk, but it feels right. 

Life can sure toss us monkey wrenches and wreck our plans if we let it.  I won't let this take me down and wreck my life.  Instead, I will see it as a time for me to grow and feel hope that all things in my life will turn out just fine in spite of the negativity. I will turn the negative into a positive. Besides.. GUESS where I am going in April?  To record my album with Will Ackerman as producer of "Fire in the Rainstorm"!!! 

Love to you all and my thanks.. MORE TO COME!


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