Friday, November 14, 2014

Fear is the mind killer

Disclaimer - I am not a into Scientology, but I did enjoy the Dune series by Frank Herbert -

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

 Lately, I've been tossed a handful of trials. I know mine are not near as crazy as I have seen happening to my friends, but they are my demons. Mostly, the marketing and promo of my music. It takes SO much time. The effort to get my name and music out there is an enormous task. One that has almost taken me out. See, the past year I was working, creating a crowd-funding project with PledgeMusic. Everyday I had to post, everyday I was out talking with local businesses. It took so much energy out of me, that when the actual day all the exclusives were due to be shipped, I was exhausted. HOWEVER, we- you and me, were able to create a positive synergy between us. I am VERY grateful for that. I was humbled, and still am. I will never forget. Now, the REALLY hard work needs to happen, the marketing and promo for "Fire in the Rainstorm" needs to be set for the actual release of the album in May 2015. I will most likely be doing something creative to make this happen. As I began to THINK about this process, my mind melted. Asking for help is difficult. I do ask because I am not funded by a label.. and so I became fearful, to the point where I was having a difficult time motivating myself to rehearse. On top of all this fear, is impending surgery in December. I didn't want to say anything about it, because I don't want you to feel sorry for me. Its something that HAS to happen. If it doesn't, I will be in constant pain, and I need to be FOCUSED when the marketing and promo starts for this album.

AND my computer that I work heavily with, is archaic. I didn't even notice, until I tried to upgrade to OS X Mavericks. I called Apple and they did give me some bad news. Time for a new computer. I will need to research which NEW mac I will need. I don't have time for dis! LOL I ALSO plan on filming each week and uploading a track that I want to share and play on YouTube.. another social networking thing. I know I don't have to do that..but I am also planning some REALLY fun ideas to go along with it. ( REALLY OVERWHELMED BY NOW )

 Today, I looked at my piano and sat on the bench, lovingly touching the keys, telling my muse how nervous, anxious I am. I played for 2 HOURS!!!! I played my heart out today. Today, I gave up my pain, sorrows, fears to my music and played some amazing tunes.. new things, old tunes, classical tunes I learned long ago, Christmas music I learned a few years ago. As the music washed over me while playing, I cried, I smiled.. I felt at peace.

I know things will work out.. just as the recording for "Fire in the Rainstorm" worked out. I had my pity party, felt sorry for myself for 10 minutes, and what really made a difference, was my hubs. I called him in my state, and he didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.. he told me to get it done. I am SO grateful for that. I am one LUCKY, BLESSED woman.. and I KNOW it...

more to come...