Sunday, October 27, 2013
As I sat and listened to everyone singing.. I looked around and tears welled up in my eyes. I looked at everyone and thought to myself: "You guys don't know how good things are until something comes along in life to challenge and change , enjoy singing and talking because you never know what will be handed to you" I for one.. didn't really know how frustrating it is to not have my voice for talking, singing. Now it takes a lot of effort to talk now. And there are days when I just wanna say.. to hell with that I am NOT talking.
I felt so sad I couldn't sing! I keep asking why has this happened? What the heck? I didn't vote for this. I can't imagine my brother, who went through 18 years of this too. He had surgery this past March to fix his voice. He can now talk and he sounds great!
I know I can't let this thing beat me. I will keep moving along and do as much as I can and there is nothing I can do about it because it happened. I just need to do what the docs have suggested, stay the course and be strong in spite of it.
I've been told that I would have times/weeks/days like these, where it seems like everything is against me. Well.. I could take it that way, but I won't. I WILL talk about it, and I WILL express my emotions regarding it, because I have very strong thoughts about this.
Writing this, brings me peace...
more to come...
Monday, October 21, 2013
Put in the subject heading: Holiday Card from Kori! In the body of the email, type in your snail mail address, and BOOM! Holiday Card will be sent to you. IF you want a birthday card... put your birth date too!
REALLY I am NOT kidding! I love to send cards, and since you all have been so awesome supporting me, its the least I can do!
I promise NO SPAM or Gorillas!
Peace in Music,
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Let me back up and talk about events that lead up to last nights concert. Lisa Downing, Myself and Liz Story had a concert in April of this year. We had so much fun that we decided to do it again in September. At this time, many of us were preparing for the Zone Music Reporter Awards in May. That flew by, and things were set in motion in our lives that we had no control over.
Lisa's father passed away from pancreatic cancer, and Liz's super cool dog left this life too. Claire ( our daughter) also found out they were going to be deployed to Afghanistan. We did not know exactly when that was going to happen, she also got engaged to be married when she would come home from deployment. So all three of us were feeling a great amount of emotion. Grief brings everyone together no matter which kind it is.
Lisa decided to bring Julio Mazziotti in the mix. He is a FINE pianist and is from Argentina. We set the date for September 21 - The Hubs and I's 22 Anniversary.
I did not realize how stressed I was.. and for some odd reason this was the hardest of the concerts to do PR. We pretty much did what we did for the April Concert. ( THE Lesson for me this time.. is to hire PR to help with promoting concerts in the future). So many woulda shoulda coulda moments come to my mind, but in the GRAND scheme of things.. it came down to the fact, that the show must go on.
As the Summer slipped away, I became increasingly un-focused.. I had SO much on my plate. Working on media for other people, saving money for forthcoming album, ( still saving), kids getting ready to go back to school, working on a community internet project--> more about that in the near future.
I was feeling a bit cheated from having my daughter leaving the home right after High School Graduation ( 2012)... and her being engaged.. I thought I was going to die. Claire was deployed in August to Afghanistan, and I didn't think it was bothering me. I didn't feel like it was stressing me.. until the Concert started getting closer and closer. I realized that her being SO far away was VERY difficult for me.
So many things had to be put on hold until after the concert, and then FINALLY our children went back to school. Things began to relax.. except for the concert. I had a hard time deciding what songs to play, marketing to people, and THEN I twisted my ankle and tore a tiny bit of tendon. GREAT now I can't walk around marketing like I wanted to...
I did it.. I know it was all in God's hands. No WAY could I have done this on my own. I prayed and had Faith that we would have people to come to the concert and perform.
THEN the Concert... NOTHING prepared me for what actually took place. The day before we all showed up at the Murray Center.. and rehearsed. Took a lot of pictures:
|Julio warming up|
|Liz getting ready ... Day of concert|
|Lisa feeling the groove|
People came, we had to set up extra chairs! DJ Thornton of KSBR 88.5FM Radio ( Host of The Morning Breeze) came and was our Emcee.
A few hours before concert.. I was rehearsing and I wrote a song that I dedicated to Lisa and Liz. For the grief they have experienced in their loss. I felt I needed to share it.. so I did, and had people think of a name for it.. I have several names: A Mother's Call, Embrace... I will record a rough cut of the song and post it to see what YOU guys come up with .
I talked to Liz before I wrote this.. and she shared with me some profound things that have transpired in her life during the summer. I felt privileged she was able to express her experiences with me. I will never forget it.
Many of my friends and family have been experiencing some form of unexpected trauma in their lives. I have been grieving for them and the losses, or the changes going on in their lives. I was feeling grateful that my life is relatively calm. THAT is when the "proverbial rug" gets pulled out from under me when I start to feel a little bit too comfortable with the way my life is going and what I am doing.
Yesterday I took a leap into the abyss. I finally went to the ENT - Ear, Nose and Throat specialist here in MV. I am not too happy with the results. I was diagnosed with Spasmodic Dysphonia I suppose I should be happy its not throat cancer, or any type of cancer. I should be happy that this is not life threatening and I am not in any pain atm. Spasmodic Dysphonia is a neurological condition that causes the vocal cords to become tight and it is literally a forced action to speak. It ruins lives for those that have a job that is heavy with acting, singing, sales man.. etc... ok lets be truthful its ruins the lives of everyone that has it. WHY? Because talking is hard.. its like trying to walk against a strong wind. People cannot understand what you are saying because your voice is cracking, breaking, stops in the middle of a sentence you are trying to say. People are like what? Why go out into the world and talk when other people cannot understand.
My brother Travis experienced this horrible condition for 18 years. 18!!! His voice was so terrible I had a hard time understanding him. He had botox shots in his throat and it was not helping him anymore. He understands what this is like. We were talking yesterday on the phone, and he and I concluded he blazed the trail for me. I may go see Dr. Berke, the Physician that performed the surgery on Trav to get his voice back. I don't know..its a scary surgery too. They clip your nerves from the vocal chords, and replace them with new nerves. HOW do I know if its right for me? Should I try Botox shots?
I am wondering why this has decided to be a part of my life? Am I supposed to help someone too? What is the purpose of this being a part of my struggle in life? I don't know. I know that God knows. I want to cry and eat chocolate! But I know that I just need to Cowboy Up... and be brave.
more later on this...
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Some of you know I am a HUGE fan of all of the Riddick movies staring Vin Diesel. That quote from his newest movie really nails the last couple of days.
I won't go back and talk about those days..too painful to talk about right now... but I WILL go forward.. and that is all we CAN do when bad days hit. I feel blessed by having such wonderful family and friends AND YOU being a part of my life. Here is a GREAT song that expresses how tender I am feeling right now: